Theorisationing

*Note: I am bored so this is going to be a ridiculously long "blogrant" . Feel free to ignore/skim read.



one thing i enjoy doing is making up theories. Particularly about life. I honestly don't care what other people think of my thought process and my theorisationing. (It is a word. I made it up. I make up words all the time. Get over it.)

I did philosophy at uni last year. I thought it would be sewwwwwwww much fun and i wud lyk luv it.
Literally PHIL1010 or whatever it was made me want to die painfully. I went to possibly 2-3 lectures. Worst of all it was at night time so i was tired /not in a good learning frame of mind. I would sit there texting on my phone and eating a gigantor bag of candy. Wishing to die. My lecturer - conveniently named Phil (Phil teaches Phil1010 i thought it was hilarious) is a greying nomad wacko reminiscent of Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall - a hippy englishmen who has wild hair , glasses and is on the show River Cottage.
(River Cottage; Escape to River Cottage; and the River Cottage seasonal shows are like some of my all time favourites so I am not insulting Hugh - just pointing out similarity in appearance)

Anyway.

So Phil. He talks in monotone. He wears reef sandals which he takes off during the lecture. You may have even seen him around the grounds before...smoking a cigarette. Eating a sandwich. Or possibly even hopping on his old rusty bicycle (at times he rebelliously goes helmetless) and going for a leisurely pedal.

Literally it was when he started talking about some d00d's theory about something to do with a burning candle + life = philosophical genius that I realised I had come to the end of my lecture going days. The assignments were hell. I stayed up until early hours of the morning doing a 2000 word assignment and I have no idea what it was about. I don't even know how I did it. It did not make sense. At all. Nothing I wrote in those classes did. The journal entries. The assignments. Nothing. You can read them if you like I have them all saved at home. Literally it is like another language.

The tutorials also may have been the end of the road for me. My tutor was a cross between Bellatrix Lestrange and Professor Trelawney. Wild bushy hair, flowing kimono/gown/skirts and she drank out of a glass water bottle. I said nothing in the few tutorials i attended. Not one word. Mainly because I could not bear to associate myself with the douche bag comments the rest of the supremely-ridiculously-op1-nerd-i'msomuchbetterthanyoueventhoughilooklikefrankensteinsbride- people had to say. I have uber smart friends. And I love intelligent and interesting people. Don't get me wrong. But i cannot stand people who hold their intelligent powers above you and judge others for not being as intellectual as them. ITS BULLSHIT!!!!! One time they were all having a discussion of the matrix=philosophical genius. And Bellatrix/Trelawney said "Put up your hands anyone who hasn't seen the matrix so someone can explain it to you"

Stupidly I raised my hand thinking others would also be like me and join. I and I very much alone raised my hand. To the death stares and smirks of my fellow Phil peers. And this one girl actually had the nerve to say "YOU'VE NEVER SEEN THE MATRIX. WHAT ABOUT MATRIX RE LOADED >!>!>!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

OMFG NO OMG I HAVEN'T SOZ BEBZ BUT I LYK HAV SUM OTHA IMPORTANTZ THANGZ TO DO CHYEAH ?

After sitting through a few tutorials filing ma nailz (with ma kewt lil crystal fibre glass nail file SCHWEET) i decided never to attend again.

So after ma lil rant and rave I shall now present a lil theory i've been thinking about awhile now about humans. All humans do is judge each other. I judge. Literally I am yet to meet / hear / know / of someone who does not judge. And don't you dare say Ghandi or Jesus or someone like that. Pretty sure they judged in their lifetime. They were just human beings.

I am a contradicting personality. I AM PISCES. the sign for pisces is two fish swimming in opposite directions. I am also mutable thus meaning i am a moving, ever changing, adaptable sign. Even my deep astrology belief is at logger heads with my ultimate belief that religion is not REAL!!!

I change things to suit myself. To make me happy. HOWEVER. i believe that humankind with all its good and great things going for it was made by complete accident. I think we are ruining the planet. And all we do as humans is focus on insignificant things and place significance on them. Literally. That is all humans do. We like to think we are so important and that oh yes the matrix is indeed such a great philosophy and oh yes let's go to war with this country and oh my god tiger woods is a bastard and did not apologise to his xrated porn star lovers.

we all listen and judge and watch and wait for things around us to happen. And we feel like we are important and significant and we are amazing. But honestly all we do is destroy the planet, put holes in the ozone layer, go to war, blow things up, kill each other, starve people, commit genocides, cheat, lie, steal, judge. I sound like one of those raving christian weirdos who is like OOHHH THE END IS NIGH!!!
we were monkeys that evolved too much and too fast. We are too destructive for our planet. We build roads, make pollution, kill wildlife, build houses. And we don't care. We have our little diaries and we go to work in our little jobs and we place such significance on things and possesions and money and relationships and religious beliefs and the after life. Ultimately...we all end up dead and we take nothing with us.
And i am just as guilty. I am a human. And i'm not sorry I was born and I'm defs not going anywhere. This is a stupid rant blog and it feels good to rant you should try it sometime.

What i was trying to get across in the rant is that sometimes I feel (and i'm sure others feel like this too i am not a lone wolf) is that i wish you could throw everything you own into a big fire. Run away. get away from the pressures of life. stop trying to answer questions about the future. what career are you going to pick? what are you going to study? what are you going to do with your life? just stop. but you can't because you can't change what masses of people value. cram as much as you can into your life things, stuff, money, degrees etc because your gonna die and when you die you better look good on paper!!!

right now i would enjoy to become a nomadic gypsy, play with tarot cards and horoscopes all day. Maybe swim in a trickling stream go for a walk pick some berries, draw , paint and arrange flowers.

why can't we just do whatever would make us happiest instead of richest/best/important?
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